Calvin: 1985 1986 1987 1988 1989 1990 1991 1992 1993 1994 1995
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ch851117: Calvin and Hobbes November 18 It starts all over again!
The first Calvin and Hobbes strip.
ch851118: So long Pop! I'm off to check my tiger trap! I rigged a tuna fish sandwich yesterday, so I'm sure to have a tiger by now! They like tuna fish, huh? Tigers will do anything for a tuna fish sandwich. We're kind of stupid that way. Munch Munch
Calvin is off to check his tiger trap. Since Calvin baited it with a tuna fish sandwich, he's sure he'll have caught a tiger. Calvin tells his Dad that tigers will do anything for tuna fish. Hobbes, hanging by his foot in the trap, says tigers are kind of stupid that way.
ch851119: So Dad, what do I do when I catch a tiger? Bring it home and stuff it Calvin! Can't you see I'm busy? Sheesh. No, really, I couldn't eat another bite!
Calvin asks Dad what he should do when he catches a tiger. Perturbed, Dad replies Calvin should bring it home and stuff it. Hobbes, sitting in the kitchen, tells Calvin (who's looking for more food in the refrigerator) he can't eat another bite.
ch851120: What's all this noise? You're supposed to be asleep! It was Hobbes, Dad! He was jumping on the bed! Honest! "Hobbes" was not jumping on the bed! Now go to sleep! You were too jumping on the bed! Well, you were the one playing the cymbals!!
Dad yells at Calvin to go to sleep and to quit making noise. Calvin blames Hobbes for jumping on the bed. Dad says Hobbes was not jumping on the bed, and that Calvin should go to sleep. Calvin tells Hobbes that he was the one jumping on the bed. Hobbes says Calvin was the one playing the cymbals.
ch851121: Show and tell is over, Calvin. Please put your "tiger" in your locker. In my locker?! He'll suffocate! Well, at least put him under your chair. Whey! That was a close one! I'll say! Sever plus three. Seventy-three.
Miss Wormwood tells Calvin to put his tiger in his locker. Calvin protests that Hobbes would suffocate. Miss Wormwood allows Calvin to put Hobbes under his seat. Calvin is relieved and promptly asks Hobbes for some math assistance.
ch851122: Good night, Calvin. 'night Dad! Hey! Aren't you going to say good night to Hobbes?! Good night, Hobbes. That's it?! No story? No smooch?? Go to sleep, you sissy.
Dad tells Calvin good night. As he's leaving, Calvin asks if he isn't going to say good night to Hobbes. Dad does so. Hobbes complains about there being no story or smooch. Calvin calls Hobbes a sissy and tells him to go to bed.
ch851123: What's this? Taste it. You'll love it. You know you'll hate something when they won't tell you what it is.
Calvin looks at his dinner plate and asks Dad what it is. Dad replies Calvin should taste it, he'll like it. Calvin thinks you know you'll hate it when they won't tell you what it is.
ch851124: Outrage! Why should I go to bed? I'm not tired! It's only 7:30! This is tyranny! I'm ZZZZ Good night, Calvin. Will you check for monsters under the bed? No monsters. You're safe. What about the dresser? Calvin, I'm sure there are no monsters in your dresser. Go to sleep. Great. I'll bet that's where they all are. They'll come out and kill us as soon as we fall asleep. So who's going to fall asleep? Well, we'll just have to get the monsters first. You irritate them with this horn, and I'll nail 'em with my dart gun when they come out. Get ready! I hear one coming! What's all the noise?! AAIEEE!! A monster in the hallway!! Dear will you come up here a minute? I think I wounded him. Give me the bat and I'll finish him off!
Calvin asks Dad to check under the bed for monsters, which he does. Then, he asks to have the dresser checked. Dad refuses. Calvin is sure that's where the monsters will be hiding, and that they'll come out when Calvin goes to sleep. Calvin decides to be proactive by arming himself with a suction dart gun and giving Hobbes a horn. The plan is to irritate the monsters by honking the horn, then shooting them. As they execute their plan, a monster comes in the door. Dad, with several suction darts sticking to him, asks Mom to come upstairs. Calvin is heard saying he was going to finish off the monster when he found his baseball bat.
ch851125: Any monsters under my bed tonight!! Well there'd better not be! I'd hate to have to torch one with my flame thrower! You have a flame thrower?? They lie. I lie.
Calvin asks whether there are any monsters in his room tonight. Multiple replies of "no" come from under the bed. Calvin threatens to use a flamethrower on any monster coming out. Hobbes asks whether Calvin really has a flamethrower. Calvin replies that if the monsters can lie, so can he.
ch851126: Mom, can I drive on the way back? Of course not, Calvin. Can I just steer then? I promise I won't crash. No, Calvin. Can I work the gas and brakes while you steer? No, Calvin. You never let me do anything.
Calvin asks his Mom whether he can drive the car home. Mom replies no. Calvin wonders if he could steer the car. Mom replies no. Calvin asks whether he can work the gas and brakes. Again, Mom says no. Calvin replies his Mom never lets him do anything.
ch851127: Here we find a thriving city: brand new buildings, a bustling economy. A scenic thoroughfare winds through this happy municipality. Here, a farmer drives his livestock to market. Tragically, this serene metropolis lies directly beneath the Hoover dam...
Calvin is in the sandbox. He sees the bustling city with new buildings. He describes the farmer going to market. Calvin then fills up a bucket with water. He then mentions that the serene metropolis lies directly beneath the Hoover Dam.
ch851128: This smells like bat barf! That does it, young man! You are excused to your room! Don't you think that's a little harsh, dear? He'll get hungry. Calvin has got to learn some manners! He won't starve to death. ...and extra pepperoni!
Calvin says dinner smells like bat barf. Dad sends him to his room. Mom thinks that might be a bit harsh, but Dad holds firm. Dad says Calvin needs to learn manners. He also says Calvin won't starve. Calvin and Hobbes are seen on the telephone ordering extra pepperoni.
ch851129: We'll see what the principal has to say about your attention span, young man! The valiant Spaceman Spiff has been captured! The aliens doubtlessly want the secret formula to the atomic napalm neutralizer! Moments from the torture chamber, Spiff springs into action! Why is he eating his hall pass?
Miss Wormwood takes Calvin to the office to see the principal. Spaceman Spiff is captured and is being taken for torture. He knows the aliens are after the formula to the atomic napalm neutralizer. Spiff springs into action. The principal asks Miss Wormwood why Calvin is eating his hall pass.
ch851130: Do you believe in fate? You mean, that our lives are predestined? Yeah ... that the things we do are inevitable. What a scary thought!
Calvin and Hobbes are riding the wagon down the hill as Calvin asks if Hobbes believes in fate. Hobbes questions whether Calvin means our lives are predestined. Calvin confirms that he is thinking that the things they do are inevitable. As they fly into the air after flying off the end of a pier, Hobbes states that is a scary thought.
ch851201: No! goodness, what was all that fuss? Oh, Calvin didn't want to take his bath. What a noisy kid! I'm doomed. I can't believe my own parents would do this to me! AH-HA! I've got you now, kid! AAUGH! Help! Quick! Momm! HA HA HA! Have a drink! Hellp! Gurgle blub. Calvin! Quiet down and quit splashing! I don't want to have to clean the whole bathroom. Ha! I pulled the plug! Down the drain with you! Die, fiend! Die, die!! Don't tell me he's letting out the water already! Believe it lady.
Calvin is placed into the tub for a bath. He can't believe his parents would do that to him. Suddenly, a suds monster rises from the tub and attacks Calvin. As the battle goes on, Mom yells up to Calvin to quiet down. Calvin gets the best of the suds monster and sends the fiend to his death. As Mom comments to Dad about Calvin letting the water out already, Calvin walks by naked and tells her to believe it.
ch851202: Bad news, dad. Your polls are way down. My polls? You rate especially low among tigers and six-year-old white males. If you want to stay "Dad" I'd suggest you adopt some key planks to your platform. Some special interest groups are in for a surprise. Of those polled, virtually all flavor increased allowances and the commencement of driving lessons.
Dad is informed his poll scores are low, especially with 6-year-olds. Dad will have to adopt some key planks to keep his position. Dad comments that some special interest groups are going to be in for a surprise.
ch851203: There's a new girl in our class. Well! What's her name? Who knows? Is she nice? Who cares? Not me! Do you like her?? No!
Hobbes asks Calvin about the new girl in school. Calvin doesn't know her name. Hobbes wonders if she's nice. Calvin doesn't care. Hobbes asks the big question of whether Calvin likes her, which gets an emphatic NO reply.
ch851204: Here comes that new girl. Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar? I hope you suffer a debilitating brain aneurysm, you freak! She's cute, isn't she?? Go away.
Calvin sees the new girl coming and yells a question asking if that's Susie Derkins' face or if a possum is stuck in her collar. He then yells that she should have a debilitating brain aneurysm. Hobbes says she's cute, to which Calvin wants Hobbes to go away.
ch851205: Hi Calvin. Mind if I join you for lunch? Yes. I have soup today. What do you have? A squid eyeball sandwich. You do not! Don't be disgusting. I like to suck out the retinas. Miss Wormwood! Care for a bite? Or were you leaving?
Susie asks to join Calvin eating lunch. Calvin tells Susie he has a squid eyeball sandwich. Susie doesn't believe him and tells him not to be so disgusting. Calvin replies by indicating he likes to suck out the retinas. Susie calls for Miss Wormwood, while Calvin asks whether she wants a bite of his sandwich or was just leaving.
ch851206: You can't come up here, Susie! No girls allowed. What on earth makes you think I'd want to sit up in a stupid tree in the first place?!? Leave it to a girl, to take all the fun out of sex discrimination.
Calvin, up in a tree house, tells Susie she can't come up and that no girls are allowed. Susie wonders why he would think she'd want to sit up in a tree anyway. Calvin thinks about that and decides she's taken all the fun out of sex discrimination.
ch851207: Wheee! Houston, we have a negative on that orbit trajectory.
Calvin is swinging and lets himself go. As he flies into the air, he realizes he has a problem. He calls Houston to report a negative on that orbit trajectory.
ch851208: Our hero, the valiant Spaceman Spiff, is marooned on a strange world ... I'll set my Mertilizer on "deep fat fry." Calvin! You're not paying attention! ... we join Spaceman Spiff on the distant planet Zorg ... Gronk! Argh! Trapped by a hideous Graknil, Spiff draws his trusty atomic napalm neutralizer! Chew electric death snarling cur! But the weapon is useless! Spiff is doomed!! Our hero makes a break and ducks into a nearby cave! Weeoo! What's that awful smell? Eep! Who was that? Beats me, Fred.
Miss Wormwood calls to Calvin about not paying attention. Spaceman Spiff shoots the atomic napalm neutralizer at the snarling cur, but to no avail. Spiff runs off to a nearby cave, where he smells something awful. Suddenly, a light comes on, and Spiff finds himself in the midst of several monsters. Calvin runs out of the teachers lounge, as they ask who that was.
ch851209: Oh, Mary, you look ravishing in that skimpy negligee! Mmm ... darling, don't you wish we were married? But we are! ... or did you mean to each other? I've got to have you! Let's murder our spouses! Murder?! You sick animal! I love it when you talk that way! Come here! Sometimes I think I learn more when I stay home from school.
Calvin is lying in bed with a thermometer in his mouth watching soap operas. He hears dialog about Mary's skimpy negligee, about the couple being married (but to other people), and a plan to murder their spouses. Calvin thinks he learns more when he stays home from school.
ch851210: Mom, can I set fire to my bed mattress? No, Calvin. Can I ride my tricycle on the roof? No, Calvin. Then can I have a cookie? No, Calvin. She's on to me.
Calvin asks if he can set fire to his mattress. Mom replies no. He then asks if he can ride his tricycle on the roof. Mom replies no. Calvin then asks for a cookie. Again, Mom replies no. Calvin realizes she's onto him.
ch851211: No, Mom! Don't put me to bed! I instructed Hobbes to messily devour anyone who brings me in before 9 p.m.! Your stuffed tiger is in the washing machine. Fine time to take a bath! Listen, just because you never take one ...
Mom is carrying Calvin to bed. Calvin warns that Hobbes will messily devour anyone bringing him to bed before 9:00. Mom shows that Hobbes is in the washing machine. In bed, Calvin complains that was a fine time for Hobbes to take a bath.
ch851212: Did you watch the movie on TV last night? Nope. Did you watch the game then? Nope. Did you watch any TV last night? Nope. Then what did you watch?
As Hobbes is drawing a picture, Calvin asks whether Hobbes watched the movie on TV last night. Hobbes says no. Calvin then asks whether Hobbes watched the game. Hobbes says no. Calvin asks whether Hobbes watched any TV last night. Hobbes says no. Calvin then asks what he did watch.
ch851213: Insurance?? What a dumb idea! Why would anyone buy insurance from you?!? Thwping!
Calvin has a stand by the sidewalk selling insurance. Susie stops by and says what a dumb idea that is and asks why anyone would buy insurance from him. Calvin then pulls out a slingshot and fires a round at Susie.
ch851214: Hello, Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?
Calvin climbs out his bedroom window on sheets bound together. He walks along in the darkness. Calvin stops at a pay phone to call Dad. Calvin states it's now three in the morning, and does Dad know where Calvin is?
ch851215: We join our hero Megazorks above the planet Gloob ... Spaceman Spiff, conqueror of the cosmos, is pursued by the hideous scum beings of planet Q-13! Spiff hyper-freem drive malfunctions! The aliens close in! suddenly, a searing bolt of deadly fram ray slices across the blackness! Our hero is unfazed. Another bolt! Spiff is hit!! Spiff is going down can he make it?? Is this the end?!? AAAAAA Spiff's alive! He made it!! I'm alive! Ha ha ha! I kiss the sweet ground! Maybe you should play on the swings, Calvin.
Spiff is being pursued. His hyper-freem drive fails. A frap ray nearly misses. Finally, Spiff is hit. He's going down and wonders if he'll make it. As Calvin lands on the ground after coming down the slide, he kisses the sweet ground. Miss Wormwood thinks maybe Calvin should play on the swings instead.
ch851216: Calvin, are you going to take that stuffed tiger to school again? Sure. Don't the kids make fun of you? Tommy Chesnut did once, and now nobody does. Why, what happened to Tommy Chesnut? Hobbes ate him! Ugh! He needed a bath too ...
Mom asks whether Calvin is bringing Hobbes to school again. She asks whether the kids make fun of him for doing that. Calvin replies that Tommy Chesnutt did, but no one did anymore. Mom asks what happened to Tommy. Calvin replies that Hobbes ate him. Hobbes comments that Tommy needed a bath.
ch851217: Calvin! What's all this noise?! You're supposed to be asleep! Monsters under the bed Dad! I was whacking one with my baseball bat! Goodness Calvin, it's just your stuffed tiger! You should put away your toys! Sorry, ol' buddy, good thing I missed occasionally, huh? Yeah, let me see your bat a minute.
Dad comes into the bedroom yelling that Calvin is making too much noise and is supposed to be asleep. Calvin replies he's hitting monsters under the bed. He's using a baseball bat. Dad shows Calvin he's mistaken by pulling Hobbes out from under the bed. Calvin says it's a good thing he occasionally missed with the bat. Hobbes agrees and asks to see the bat for a minute.
ch851218: Here comes the sports car at 200 miles per hour! Here comes the cement truck! Look out! And here comes an inflammable chemical truck! Oh no!! This ought to be good.
Calvin is playing with some toys. He has a sports car going 200 miles an hour. He has a cement truck coming in. Then, he has an inflammable chemical truck driving up. Calvin looks up and says this ought to be good.
ch851219: Calvin! What are you doing to our yard?!? Making speed bumps.
Calvin is digging trenches in the yard, then building dirt berms. Mom comes out yelling at Calvin about what he's doing to the yard. Calvin replies he's making speed bumps.
ch851220: I wonder where we go when we die. Pittsburgh? You mean if we're good or if we're bad?
Calvin and Hobbes are lying on a hill. Calvin wonders where they go when they die. They think about it awhile, and Hobbes wonders if it's Pittsburgh. Calvin wonders whether Hobbes is referring to where they go if they're good or if they're bad.
ch851221: We're lost again. Ha! We're brave explorers! The word lost isn't even in our vocabulary! How about the word "Mommy"? Mommmyyy!!
Calvin and Hobbes are wandering in the tall grass. Hobbes says they're lost again. Calvin, in his pith helmet, says that "lost" isn't in the vocabulary of brave explorers. Hobbes wonders if "mommy" is. They both cry out "mommy".
ch851222: There! Our fortress is completely indestructible! "Sunny and warmer today, high in the upper thirties ... " Our snow fort is impenetrable! At the slightest provocation, we'll let loose a merciless barrage of stinging ice!! None dare attack us! We rule all!! Together, a veritable fist of defiance, we stand immune to any onslaught! We are invincible!! We ... uh ... umm ... piff!
Calvin finishes building a snow fortress. As he and Hobbes are inside, Calvin rants about being invincible. That the fort is impenetrable, and that they rule and are immune to any onslaught. Calvin then looks over at Hobbes, who is grinning widely. Hobbes then smacks Calvin with a snowball.
ch851223: Hey! Where's the stocking for Hobbes? Where's Santa gonna stick Hobbes' loot, if Hobbes doesn't have a stocking?!? Okay, okay ... I'll make Hobbes a stocking. Don't worry. Make it big, but not as big as mine. "...Hobbes' loot"?? don't look at me! I'm done shopping!
Calvin notices there isn't a stocking over the fireplace for Hobbes. Calvin asks where Santa will put Hobbes' loot if there is no stocking. Mom assures Calvin she'll make a stocking for Hobbes. Mom looks over at Dad and asks about Hobbes' loot. Dad says not to look at him, he's done shopping.
ch851224: Are you still awake? Of course! It's midnight. Let's go! As soon as he drops the bag down, you grab it and I'll close the flue!
Calvin and Hobbes are in bed. Calvin asks whether Hobbes is still awake, which he is. Downstairs they go. They wait at the fireplace, and Calvin says when Santa drops his bag down, Hobbes should grab it and Calvin will close the flue.
ch851225: Uh, Hobbes? ... I forgot to get you a present. I didn't even make you a card ... I'm sorry Hobbes. I didn't mean to forget. It's okay, little buddy. I didn't get you anything either. But here's a tiger hug for being my best friend. Not so hard, you big sissy. You squeeze my tears out. Merry Christmas.
Calvin looks at Hobbes with sad eyes and apologizes for not getting Hobbes a gift or a card. Hobbes says it's alright, as he didn't get anything for Calvin. Hobbes gives Calvin a big tiger hug for being his best friend. Calvin calls Hobbes a big sissy and tells Hobbes he is squeezing Calvin so hard tears are coming out. Hobbes tells him "Merry Christmas".
ch851226: How long do you think it is till bedtime? Oh, six or seven hours, I imagine. Why do you ask? With any luck, mom will notice we're missing by then.
Calvin and Hobbes are sledding down the hill as Calvin asks how long it will be till bedtime. Hobbes guesses six or seven hours and wonders why Calvin asked. As they fly off the hill, Calvin hopes his Mom will notice they're missing by then.
ch851227: Calvin! What are you doing to the coffee table?!? Is this some sort of trick question, or what?
Calvin is hammering nails into a table. Mom runs out yelling, asking Calvin what he's doing. Calvin looks at the nails in the table and asks whether that's a trick question or something.
ch851228: Hey Calvin, you want to play "house"? I don't know. How do you play? Okay ... first, you come home from work. Then I come home from work. We'll gripe about our jobs, and then we'll argue over whose turn it is to microwave dinner.
Susie asks Calvin whether he wants to play house. Calvin asks how you play. Susie explains that he comes home from work, then she does. Then, they argue about their jobs and about who will microwave dinner.
ch851229: Very grim, Calvin. You're still having oatmeal. Gurgle. Quit playing with your oatmeal and eat it, Calvin. Gagpth! I'm free! Bugh! Yaah! Death to oatmeal! You'll never escape, vile glop! Die! Die! Calvin! Quit! ... oh no ... It's your fault we didn't have a sweet little girl! Your stupid chromosome!! Not mine!! ... I just live here.
Calvin is sitting at the table with a bowl of oatmeal. Mom tells Calvin to eat the oatmeal, not play with it. The oatmeal jumps out of its bowl and bounces around the table. Calvin stabs at it while yelling "death to oatmeal". He chases the vile glop around. Mom comes to the kitchen and sees the mess. Mom then yells at Dad. She says it's Dad's fault they didn't have a sweet girl. It's his chromosome that was the problem. Dad watches Mom go off, sits back into his chair and says he just lives there.
ch851230: It says here that by the age of six ... most children have seen a million murders on television. I find that very disturbing! It means I've been watching all the wrong channels.
Hobbes is reading a newspaper while Calvin watches TV. Hobbes reads that by age 6, children have seen a million murders on TV. Calvin finds that very disturbing. He believes he's been watching all the wrong channels.
ch851231: I'm not eating this green stuff. Yecchh! Good idea, Calvin. It's a plate of toxic waste that will turn you into a mutant if you eat it. Mmmm. Scrape. Urf. Smack. There has got to be a better way to make him eat! Ahhh ... I can feel it working.
Calvin is at the dinner table and refuses to eat the green stuff. Dad replies that it's toxic waste that will turn him into a mutant if he eats it. Calvin devours the meal. Mom says there has to be a better way to get him to eat.
Calvin: 1985 1986 1987 1988 1989 1990 1991 1992 1993 1994 1995