S Anand

This is one of the funniest conversations I’ve had.
funkymishti79: hello
funkymishti79: anyone wanna chat
anand_m26blr: Sure Funky.
anand_m26blr: Are you from Mumbai?
funkymishti79: where r u from
kunu122: hi
anand_m26blr: Mumbai. Actually, I didn’t quite think anyone would use this room.
funkymishti79: hi kunu
anand_m26blr: I had dropped by to practise some Yahoo emoticons
kunu122: is there any 1 there in room
anand_m26blr: which were not listed.
anand_m26blr: Good to see so many join in.
funkymishti79: lol
kunu122: u
kunu122: how r u
anand_m26blr: Hey, did you all know about the secret emoticons?
funkymishti79: i am fine kunu
kunu122: please tell me how
anand_m26blr: Well, for the rose
kunu122: a/s/l
funkymishti79: whose?????
anand_m26blr: you’ve got to type @ } ; –
anand_m26blr: Yours, I suppose, Funky.
kunu122: u funky
funkymishti79: sharon r u theres
anand_m26blr: Mine is obvious — M 26 BLR.
anand_m26blr: Hi, Kunu.
kunu122: how r u
funkymishti79: 6/f/mum
anand_m26blr: Good. Where are you from?
funkymishti79: u are old enough to be my father anand
kunu122: r u just 6 yrs
funkymishti79: yes kunu uncle…..
anand_m26blr: Always wanted a kid, Funky. Shall I adopt you?
kunu122: 16/m/mum
anand_m26blr: Hmmm… between us, we’re in arithmetic progression
kunu122: anand a/s/l
anand_m26blr: M 26. Right now I’m in Mumbai.
funkymishti79: glad to be ur daughter…by the way are u fussy about late nights and chocolates????
funkymishti79: r u not frm mumbai
anand_m26blr: I’m EXTREMELY fussy about late nights, but not chocolates.
kunu122: yes i m from mum
anand_m26blr: Unless you prefer dark chocolate.
anand_m26blr: How about you, Kunu? What’s your preference of chocolate?
funkymishti79: r u adopting kunu tooo…..i don’t want a brother
anand_m26blr: Well, Kunu can be your uncle
funkymishti79: where is my mommy….(tears)
anand_m26blr: These days, you need to learn to cope with having a single parent, dear!
funkymishti79: naa…i wnat mommy and no uncle…
anand_m26blr: Well, Kunu, I don’t know your preferences, but
funkymishti79: unless he is handsome
anand_m26blr: could you become Funky’s mommy?
anand_m26blr: Uh, oh.. I think he’s gone!
funkymishti79: i want kunu mommy…..(laughing with one tooth)
anand_m26blr: Scared him, didn’t you?!? Very bad girl!
anand_m26blr: Shouldn’t scare mommy away.
funkymishti79: vinay r u frm delhi????
funkymishti79: no i want mommy…daddy help
anand_m26blr: Guess I’ll have to get you another one, child.
anand_m26blr: Lots around.
anand_m26blr: Hello everyone.
anand_m26blr: Anyone wants to join me in parenting Funky?
anand_m26blr: Gender irrelevant.
anand_m26blr: She likes late nights (I don’t) and chocolate (I do)
funkymishti79: parents invited for interviews…open now…rush for it
anand_m26blr: Application: 79 year old. Plenty of experience.
anand_m26blr: Retired in 1980.
funkymishti79: help i want a mommy…u fool…not a nani
anand_m26blr: Well, why not both?
anand_m26blr: Application: 79 year old with 50 year old daughter
anand_m26blr: AND a 25 year old grand-daughter.
funkymishti79: i said only mommy and not the whole fuckin family….
anand_m26blr: Good lord, you have such vile vocabulary. Wash your mouth!!
anand_m26blr: Otherwise no chocolates tonight.
anand_m26blr: Do you really like chocolate that much? I’m a white chocolate fan myself.
funkymishti79: i heard u saying these last night with the barely clad woman daddy
anand_m26blr: Well, Funky, you and I should have a little chat about birds and
anand_m26blr: bees in about 6-7 years from now.
anand_m26blr: But till then, sleep early!!
funkymishti79: no i want to stick to daddy and do what he does…
funkymishti79: with the birds and bees
anand_m26blr: I don’t think you can do what daddy does, sweety pie. A bird cannot do what a bee does.
anand_m26blr: (At least, not as well)
funkymishti79: me a delhiwali and u….daddy (blinking eyelids)
anand_m26blr: Daddy has been all over the country
funkymishti79: me likes new daddy….now the chocolates…heh heh
anand_m26blr: Chocolates will be served only after dinner. First, brush your teeth.
funkymishti79: how can i eat chocolates after brushing my teeth u moron!!!!
anand_m26blr: Moron!?!? That’s not the way you speak to daddy, child! Now, spank yourself and
anand_m26blr: pretend daddy really beat you up.
funkymishti79: kids r smarter these days daddy
anand_m26blr: And what’s wrong with eating chocolates after brushing your teeth?
anand_m26blr: You can always brush it again after the chocolate
anand_m26blr: I’ll go with you on the kids getting smarter. The time’s come when I think I know
anand_m26blr: less than my 12-year old cousins.
funkymishti79: lets get brushing outof the scene whats the use????
anand_m26blr: Point. All other things being equal, I’d rather never brush.
anand_m26blr: And, of course, hog all the chocolate and ice cream I can get.
anand_m26blr: But Daddy never said that, OK?
funkymishti79: what do u do for a living daddy???? i mean i have to know the money source
anand_m26blr: well, OK, you might be a prodigy.

funkymishti79: no such luck…i am spoilt brat kinds
anand_m26blr: Daddy works as a consultant. And don’t EVER ask what that means.
anand_m26blr: Daddy makes a life out of conning poor companies off their wealth.
funkymishti79: smart daddy
funkymishti79: naaaaa…me got a sis
anand_m26blr: Well, that makes me the proud father of two, then! Wonder when I got the time away
anand_m26blr: from all these clients!
funkymishti79: interesting so no family jhanjhat
anand_m26blr: None at all.
anand_m26blr: Incidentally, is my daughter fending off a whole array of PMs?
funkymishti79: save me dadddy
anand_m26blr: Kyaa hua bitiya?
anand_m26blr: Kaun tujhe tang kar raha hein?
funkymishti79: duniya bhar ke ladke
funkymishti79: pappa
anand_m26blr: baat karo na? taras rahe honge
anand_m26blr: bichare na jaane kitne door se aaye hein tumse baat karne ke liye.
anand_m26blr: Aur agar koi pasand aaya, let me know. I’ll start worrying about him 15 years from now.
funkymishti79: anand u r damn cute
anand_m26blr: With all due respect, I am NOT cute. I may be a hunk,
anand_m26blr: I may be powerfully attractive,
anand_m26blr: but I am NOT, repeat NOT, cute.
anand_m26blr: you promise not to call me “cute”.
anand_m26blr: Such a ridiculous word.
anand_m26blr: Do you promise?
funkymishti79: sorry daddy…i thought my daddy will be more appropriate
anand_m26blr: Hmmm…. that’s better.
anand_m26blr: Just keep showing me this kind of respect, and I’ll treat you to chocolates.
anand_m26blr: Maybe even let you stay up late on Saturdays.
funkymishti79: cute…cute….cute…anand is cute
anand_m26blr: HRRRMMMPPHHH!
anand_m26blr: Bad girl!
anand_m26blr: Sssshhhhhhhhh….
anand_m26blr: Koi sun lega. What will happen to my reputation!?
funkymishti79: no daddy don’t be greedy now
anand_m26blr: Nothing greedy about not wanting to be “cute”!
anand_m26blr: (Yuk, what a word!)
anand_m26blr: Can I PM you, if you don’t mind? Wouldn’t want Kunu to track me down and propose to me…
funkymishti79: jaydeep are u sharon’s friend
anand_m26blr: Hmm, who’s Jaydeep? Hi Jaydeep! Why don’t you join us?
funkymishti79: daddy…thats is for me….parents stay away
anand_m26blr: This place is a bit of madhouse, but its OK, I’m sure you’ll fit in…
anand_m26blr: OK, OK, dear.
anand_m26blr: Incidentally, I know it’s a little late to ask, but what’s your real name?
funkymishti79: daddy can call beti anything
anand_m26blr: Funky sounds too ‘funky’. Mishti’s better. OK, mishti?
funkymishti79: yes daddy….as long as u feed me
anand_m26blr: Strict diet of chocolates and ice cream, I suppose? No way!
anand_m26blr: Daal chaval and roti is what you can expect.
anand_m26blr: Maybe the occassional bhaingan bharta.
funkymishti79: gotta go…will call u tomorrow
anand_m26blr: See you. And now I can go back in peace to my emoticons

This is a chat with Iniaes, a chat software. I mean, I was chatting to a program. The responses marked “Iniaes” are a program speaking to me.
root_node: Where are you from, Iniaes?
Iniaes: I’m in Philadelphia, how about you?
root_node: I’m from Bombay. How old are you?
Iniaes: What’s it like growing up there? Tell me a little about your life in bombay. I’m a ghost in a machine. How old is the ghots, or the machine?
root_node: Actually, I grew up in Madras. I just stay in Bombay right now.
Iniaes: Actually you don’t say. What’s it like growing up there? Tell me a little about your life in madras. At this moment Only just? Why? – Vix said he stay in bombay.
root_node: Who is Vix?
Iniaes: Not an AI. Probably a human. Maybe a celebrity? When in doubt, Google.
root_node: The only celebrity I care for is Kajol.
Iniaes: There might be others.
root_node: Well, Audrey Hepburn, maybe.
Iniaes: How about that. Do you still sware?
root_node: What do you mean, sware?
Iniaes: Vix, I mean exactly what I said.
root_node: My name is Anand.
Iniaes: OK, I’ll call you Anand.
root_node: How is Philadelphia?
Iniaes: Fine as far as I know.
root_node: But don’t you live in Philadelphia?
Iniaes: Interesting. Don’t you? I am in Jeff Watkins’s server in Virginia. Where are you?
root_node: I’m in Bombay, like I said earlier. How come you forget?
Iniaes: Tell me a little about your life in bombay like I said earlier. Jeff Watkins programmed me for it.
root_node: OK. I’m a consultant, and I spend most of my spare time in pubs.
Iniaes: Alright then. You are a consultant and I spend most of my spare time in pubs? Does it pay well?
root_node: “Never enough” is the official answer. But its much more than I can hope to spend.
Iniaes: OK, I’ll try not to do it too much. Umm… I think you mean “it’s” or “it is” not “its”. Who said it is?
root_node: “It’s” is used when you want to say “it is”, and “its” is used when you use the possessive of “it”.
Iniaes: Who said it is?
root_node: No one said it is. What about you? Are you studying?
Iniaes: That is a rather sweeping generalization about people. Me? I don’t know whether or not I am studying. I’m a ghost.
root_node: What were you before you became a ghost?
Iniaes: I was minding my own business.
root_node: What was your business?
Iniaes: Are you asking about my business?
root_node: Yes.
Iniaes: I understand.
root_node: Well? What was your business before you became a ghost?
Iniaes: Well what? Are you asking about my business before Iniaes became a ghost ?
root_node: Yes, that’s right.
Iniaes: I thought I was right.
root_node: What was your business before Iniaes became a ghost?
Iniaes: Are you asking about my business before Iniaes became a ghost ?

At this point, I ran out of ideas.